My Achilles heel throughout my life has been my lack of a career path. I never knew what I wanted to do growing up; I was all over the map. In high school I wrote poetry and jotted down stories in my study halls. I was an introvert. It was a form of escape for me to write down thoughts when I didn't have many friends to talk those thoughts out.
My parents pushed me into attending a four year traditional college (as you did back then because that’s what you were supposed to do,) but I had no idea what to study. I only knew I wanted to get out of Maine. The thought of becoming an accountant or businesswoman or nurse didn’t appeal to me. I had no clue what would make me happy and keep me fulfilled. I remember my mom saying, “you’ve written some good poems. You should go to school for that.” And so, I did.
Back then, before the Internet, we had a huge book that you needed to flip through to find colleges. Again, I had no clue where to begin. My older sister went to Bentley College near Boston which seemed like a cool city. So I figured, hey, let's start there, and wound up at Emerson College studying creative writing. I loved it. I loved the city, I loved writing screenplays and poems, analyzing novels and workshopping ideas with my classmates. I was going to be the next great writer. I was going to be famous. I was going to mail tons of amazing manuscripts out to publishers and get picked up quickly!
And then I graduated and none of my stuff sold.
So, after a couple of years of hitchhiking through Europe and working as a waitress or doing temp jobs, I found myself landing in higher education as an administrative assistant, and there I stayed for a good part of 20 years and at six different universities.
Before the holidays, I gave my notice at Southern New Hampshire University. I was an academic advisor. It wasn’t a good match for me; I was miserable every day. After I clocked out in the evening, I felt defeated. On the weekends, my mind was on Monday morning, and Sunday nights were sleepless.
My family saw what the job was doing to me. It shifted my personality and permeated throughout the household. At the suggestion of my husband and my children, I gave my notice without having another job. My husband told me not to worry about money, but to take some time to reset myself and explore my interests.
It is super, super scary to be in this position. Although I wasn't making much money, I felt like I was financially contributing, and that's no longer happening. It's a weird place to be in.
But, although I’m scared, I’m also tired of the hamster wheel of my career - working in a field that I shouldn't be working in anymore. Higher education has changed in the past 20 years, and I am burnt out and unwilling to change with the times. I know that.
I am now trusting in my belief that if you get out of your comfort zone, your real life will begin. “Leap and the net will follow” is what I've always told my kids. I am putting it to the test and buckling up.
